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Admissions Essay Strategies |
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Common
Flaws
Careless
Errors
There is no excuse for careless errors,
and having even one on your application can affect the way you are perceived
by admissions officers. You have more than enough time to proofread and have
others look over your essay. If an error slips through, your readers may
assume that you are careless, disorganized, or not serious enough about your
application.
Remember that the spell check feature
of your word processing program does not catch all possible errors. In addition
to typographical errors, such as repeated words, mistakes in meaning might
arise even in the form of a grammatically correct sentence.
Let these humorous but unfortunate
examples be a lesson to read your essay carefully for unintended meanings
and meaningless sentences:
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It was
like getting admitted to an Ivory League school.
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Berkeley
has a reputation of breeding nationalists and communists.
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I'd like
to attend a college where I can expose myself to many diverse people.
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I was
totally free except for the rules.
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In a word,
the experience taught me the importance of dedication, friendship, and
goals.
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I have
an extensive knowledge of the value of intelligence.
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I envy
people with a lot of time in their hands.
Not Answering The Question
You can follow our advice, but if you fail to answer the essay question, you
will not be admitted to any institution.
A
Boring Introduction
Remember that admissions officers
will probably spend no more than a few minutes on your essay. In the first
two sentences, you must capture their interest. The first lead below does
not engage the reader. A boring introduction will cause the reader to skim
the essay, and the essay will not be memorable. In contrast, the second introduction's
use of detail makes the experience personal and draws the reader into the
story. By also leaving out key details, the second lead creates intrigue,
forcing the reader to find out: Who is this child? How and when did his parents
die? How will the author help?
Before: I volunteer
as a Big Brother to a little boy. He lost his parents in a car accident
a few months ago. From this experience, I hoped to help him cope with his
loss and open up his personality by spending time with him after school
on certain days.
After: While the other children played outside, eleven-year old
Danny's sad eyes focused on the white wall in front of him. He sat alone
in silence--a silence that had imprisoned him since his mother and father
died in a tragic accident.
Wordiness
Use
the allotted space wisely and do not exceed word limits. Make sure you omit
irrelevant details, clichés,
and undeveloped ideas. Do not distract the reader with repetition or extra
words. The second passage does not need the cliché "hit me like a ton of
bricks" because it expresses the same thought through forceful, concise writing.
Before: After Mike
left, his loss hit me like a ton of bricks, out of which, when I was finally
able to crawl, I had to come to terms with the difficult fact that best
friends may come along only once in a lifetime, and it was unlikely I would
find such a close friendship again since lightning doesn't strike twice.
After: When Mike
left, I lost the best friend I ever had, and I lost him forever.
Long-Windedness
Successful application essays do
not rely on generalizations or irrelevant details. That is why many essays
submitted to EssayEdge are returned with reduced word counts and, conversely,
suggestions for additions. The problem is that writers often do not consider
what is necessary to include, or they repeat points freely.
Example of Irrelevant
Detail: After a meeting
with my adviser, I returned home to think over the matter more carefully.
Ultimately I came to the conclusion that my interests in physical properties
and mental life would best be explored in a double major of biology and
psychology.
In this example, we learn nothing
about the applicant from the mention of his meeting with an adviser. What
is relevant are his interests and the decision he made based on them. The
details about how he arrived at the decision are not illustrative of his
character in any way and are therefore superfluous.
Example of Redundancy: The
experience taught me a great deal about sensitivity. I learned to be more
sensitive to the needs of others in the context of a volunteering experience.
The first sentence is unnecessary,
because the second sentence makes the same point with more specificity.
Lack
of Transition and Sentence Variety
The best essays contain a variety
of sentence lengths mixed within any given paragraph. Also, remember that
transition is not limited to words such as nevertheless, furthermore,
or consequently. Good transition flows from the natural thought progression
of your argument.
Before: I started
playing piano when I was eight years old. I worked hard to learn difficult
pieces. I began to love music.
After: I started playing the piano at the age of eight. As I
learned to play more difficult pieces, my appreciation for music deepened.
As
an exercise to improve sentence variety, label each sentence "short" (under 10 words), "medium" (under 20
words), or "long" (20 or more words). A poor paragraph might have short,
short, medium, short, short, while a good paragraph might have long, short,
long, medium, short.
Passive Voice
Passive-voice expressions are verb phrases in which the subject receives the
action expressed in the verb. Passive voice always employs a form of the verb "to
be," such as "was" or "were." Overuse of the passive voice makes prose seem
flat and uninteresting.
Before: The lessons
that prepared me for college were taught to me by my mother.
After: My mother taught me lessons that will prepare me for college.
Overusing Big Words
Put your thesaurus away when writing your application essay. Using longer,
fancier words does not make you sound more intelligent. Simpler language is
almost always preferable, as it demonstrates your ability to think and express
yourself clearly.
Before: Although
I did a plethora of activities in high school, my assiduous efforts enabled
me to succeed.
After: Although I juggled many activities in high school, I succeeded
through persistent work.
Clichés
In
everyday language, clichés are
common expressions that are an easy way to get one's point across. For example,
saying, "He really put his foot in his mouth" is a convenient way to make
the point that "He said something that he should now regret having said."
What is acceptable in spoken language,
however, is not always the best way to express yourself in writing. Good
writing must be original. You should aim to state your ideas in engaging
language and from a fresh perspective.
In
addition to the general clichés
of the English language, you have to watch out for those that are more specific
to the application essay. The challenge here is that these themes have become
clichés precisely because they are valuable and significant, so you do not
want to ignore them. You simply have to find fresh ways to convey hackneyed
ideas. The best advice is to be as specific and personal as possible, thereby
emphasizing your uniqueness. The following is a list of some of the most
egregious clichés, each presented within the context of a bland statement:
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"As I
finished the race, I realized I had learned the value of hard work and
appreciated the fact that I could accomplish anything if I set my
mind to it."
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"Working
in this atmosphere made me appreciate the value of diversity."
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"With
each member contributing something valuable to our purpose, I soon recognized the
importance of teamwork."
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"As the
young child embraced me in gratitude, I discovered the true value
of making a difference in people's lives."
There
is no way to reword the above sentences to make them significantly stronger.
The problem lies in the very
approach the hypothetical writer of those statements has taken. A reliance
on clichés is usually indicative of superficial ideas and telling instead
of showing. The only way to improve upon the above sentiments would be to
enrich them with concrete details and add depth using a more personal perspective.
Sounding
contrived is a problem related to clichéd writing. Applicants often have
preconceived notions about what they should be discussing, and they try to
force those points onto the experiences
they relate. The best way to counteract this tendency is to start with your
experiences and let the insights flow from there. Think about your most meaningful
experiences and describe them honestly. Often you will find that you do not
need to impose conclusions, because the personal qualities you are trying
to demonstrate will be inherent in the details. If you decide that clarification
is necessary, the transition should still be natural.
Ineffective
Conclusion
The
conclusion is your last chance to persuade the admissions officers or impress
upon them your qualifications.
In the conclusion, avoid summary; the reader does not need to be reminded
of what you wrote 500 words before. Also, do not use stock phrases such as "in
conclusion," "in summary," or "to conclude." Consider the following tips
when writing your conclusion:
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Expand
upon the broader implications of your discussion.
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Link
your conclusion to your introduction to establish a sense of balance
by reiterating introductory phrases or ideas.
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Frame
your discussion within a larger context or show that your topic has widespread
appeal.
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